fabulous shoes and hot men.

Yum yum yum.



Annnnd, meet my new boyfriend!

He's 6 weeks old and sits on just half of my palm. He's so adorable when he twitches his nose and stuffs his cheeks full of food. Ahhh. I love him to death.

I've always thought that hamster fur would make the softest rugs and coats ever! And before you ~animal rights~ people pounce on me, I'm not serious.





Received a whole bunch of brushes and palettes from Coastal Scents! Having tried and used their brushes for over a year, I can say with confidence that they give MAC and Bobbi Brown a good run for their money. Coastal Scents brushes are crafted to near perfection, using finest pony and goat hair! There are also synthetic hair options for ~animal rights~ people.



My favourite brush - The mini kabuki!
It's really tiny, slightly bigger than my thumb maybe? Super cute! It's luxuriously soft - Kind of feels like a hamster's furry bum. HAHAHA.
If you look closely, you'll see how the hairs taper down to create a relatively pointed tip for precision application. The density and softness of the brush also allows seamless blending of colours which really is the most important element to creating a flawless and polished look.

They're really cheap too, approximately $5 USD per brush? That's like.. One-Third the price of MAC brushes. I've been mentally kicking myself for spending shitloads of money on MAC ever since I discovered Coastal Scents. Ahh well.

So.. I’ve been on a money-spending rampage. Post breakup stress incites irrational extravagant money expenditure. It does make me feel a TEENY bit better, though. Now I fully understand why it’s called RETAIL THERAPY~

LOVE MOSCHINO PURSE!

How gorgeous is this bitch!? So red, so shiny, so bouncy. It can probably only fit my cellphone, eyeliner and perhaps AIR thus rendering it pretty much useless, but hey, irrational spending, remember? ^_^

Bebe Bustier Top

So cute. Will look great with jeans or waisted pants. I’m hoping it will fit me though.. I bought size 0 but I usually don’t trust sizing charts much! I’ve noticed from experience that only Topshop’s bustier and corset tops really hug and fit me properly. I think it’s the way they’re cut and because they’ve got the petite range.

Alexander Wang Cowl Back Top

I love the effortless construction of A.wang’s designs, and how he always uses the softest and purest fabrics to achieve both comfort and style in a single ensemble! I’m so excited for my loot to arrive.. This would look great with dark denim jeans and knee high boots.

Annnd, I've just received this in the mail. Coach Wristlet for Kisslocke's July Giveaway. Super pretty.. I love the colours! Just be the highest spender in the month of July to receive this Coach Pouch Wristlet! Retails for close to $200 SGD in stores.

I’m starting to feel a tad bit cranky from being kept awake for 2 whole hours last night by screaming kids / teenagers around the neighbourhood. Every time that I was teetering on the edge of semi-consciousness, some blasted screaming would jolt me wide awake. You have no idea how much I wanted to develop sudden martial arts / inner ‘qi’ skills and throw the large chopping knife in my kitchen at them, which would hit right smack in the middle of one of their foreheads. I only managed to fall asleep while visualizing the development of a shooting instrument – One that involves a strong back spring and trigger release along a long tunnel that will shoot arsenic-laced needles out at my targets. It’s not a gun; thus it will be technically legal.

Okay I’m off to finish watching PROJECT RUNWAY!

Just listen to the song, not the video.

I remember complaining about Jw's ipod playlist on the first bus ride to his house. I didn't agree with his electro mixes so I asked for a more melodious option. We flicked past song after song but when we chanced upon this, I was sold.

Throughout the course of our relationship, every time I listened to this song my heart would swell with the joy and the knowledge that I was blessed with such an amazing person in my life.

Yet here we are, tonight. I am all alone, listening to the song that once represented the anchor of my life. Tonight, I am not okay. Tonight, I recall all the reasons why we fell in love. Tonight, I am vulnerable.

Where will I find someone else who sees past the stuff that people usually look at?

I used to believe I was strong enough to handle anything that life may throw my way. I used to believe in mind over heart and rationality over emotionally-fuelled decisions.

Fresh from my breakup, I felt hurt and betrayed. I was adamant about picking up the pieces and standing up again. I never entertained the possibility of giving the broken relationship a second chance as I’ve always believed that if a man can leave you for any given reason, then the bottomline is that his love is insufficient.

I am aware of all that’s good and bad for me, yet I’ve realized that when the heart and emotions come into play, the mind has nary a chance of holding strong against them.

Throughout the course of these past 2 days, I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve yearned for his presence in the most intense way. I thought that hatred would nullify any remaining desire for him, but I’ve realized that love always trumps hate. I scoff at myself for being weak; for not having the strength to make a decision and stick to it. I allow memories to seep into the present, eating away at the weak foundation that I’ve built my decisions upon.

I’m proud of myself for having the strength to forgive, something I didn’t expect myself capable of. I’ve taken a step back and I’ve seen the big picture. It may not be a pretty art piece, yet I relish every stroke of the canvas and every tiny detail in the background.

I know I miss him so fucking much and so intensely, that as I lay in bed at night, my heart aches from the weight of our memories and my extreme desire to turn back time and give this relationship another shot. I grieve the loss of what we’ve had – what I’ve always considered sacred. Yet I recognize a recipe for disaster when I see one.

I have no solid conclusion to this entry. I simply wanted to put my thoughts into words in the hopes that a revelation would occur, but I’m still lost. I’m still directionless. I still wish that life had a map or instruction manual that would guide me down the least painful road.

Because this is like a movie, and I will end it well.

It's funny how sometimes you think you know a person.. But when you least expect it, fate pulls the wool away from your eyes and shows you a side of him you couldn't possibly imagine existed.

Romantic love – Isn't it great? Understanding another person so completely that you're able to complete each others' sentences, know what’s on each others' minds without the need for words and having rich intense conversations about life, dreams, aspirations and the future. Every second together seems like gold – the highest quality of time you could possibly spend. You bask in his company and enjoy every kiss, every breath, every tingling touch and lingering gaze. You learn the meaning of trust and commitment and you begin to open your heart to him; you begin to heal the wounds of your past; you begin envisioning the future and allow him to fill all the empty spaces you once thought could never be filled.

When Jw entered my life, I was so afraid to let him in. I was so afraid to experience, once again, the intense anguish that the loss of a relationship or partner could bring. Yet he was patient and gentle. He slowly opened my heart and showed me that he wasn't going to inflict any pain on my old wounds; that he wasn't going to treat me any less than what I deserved; that he would be my rock – or anchor – the symbol of stability and reassurance.

I did see him changing over time. I started seeing sides of him I didn't like – Sides of him that were downright ugly. I saw how selfish he could be and it scared me. I was afraid that everything that I invested would crumble down around me. But I refused to go down without a fight. I had huge arguments with him and saw myself in tears time and again, storming out of the house, screaming and hurling vulgarities. A part of me knew – and perhaps wanted – an end to my misery. I did consider walking away multiple times but each time I was on the brink of giving up, I would just recall the tenderness and love he had once given me.. And I would decide that being with him and fighting was better than not being with him at all.

I'm not a sadist, of course. I don't enjoy being hurt. But I believe in having faith in human nature. I refused to give in to the possibility that the man that once treated me with such patience and respect might be lost, forever. Despite all the disagreements that we may have had, I had never once doubted his love or his commitment to me.

Which is why I never saw it coming.

It was a slap in my face. I felt as though I had the wind knocked out of me. To give up on someone in their time of need is probably the most selfish thing one could do. And that's exactly what he did. It makes me question the entire journey we had; was it all just a joke to him? A sham? A well scripted play? Perhaps so. Perhaps I may have made a bad judgement call in trusting him so wholeheartedly.

I never counted on feeling so downright beaten up upon the demise of my relationship. Maybe because I never saw a finish line. What I saw was a long and difficult journey, but I never once entertained the possibility of an abrupt ending. I don't think I would ever love anyone else the way I loved him, and a part of me knows and hopes that I made an impact in his life too. I've since learned how to love passionately, how to enjoy the little moments, how to just walk hand in hand without a care in the world, how to simply enjoy and bask in the essence of a person you love.

He said he knew that he would regret his decision and I know that a part of him grieves the loss of what we once had. This knowledge comes with knowing him even better than he knows himself. But I can never forgive him for what he has done. I can't bring myself to. To quote a friend, 'If a guy is willing to leave you because of your inadequacies, he surely isn’t a keeper.'

To that, I say Amen.

I know that I will never stop loving him and I will never forget what we once had. I know that, perhaps, I will never completely get over him. I know that he will always have his special place in my heart; one that can never be replaced.

But like all great tragic love stories, there must be an end. So I'll walk away with my head held high and my dignity intact.

Because this is like a movie, and I will end it well.

I've never believed in having to love someone just because the blood that courses through their veins might be the same as yours.

I've always believed that people should give you a reason to love them. Just because you’re born into the same family doesn’t mean you’re automatically given a free pass to behave like a motherfucking lowlife bitch and get away with it.

I am seething with such intense anger right now that I feel like throwing something against the wall. Except that I never approve of pointless sporadic releases of rage.

My sister is the world’s most useless, self-centred and inherently selfish pig of a human being and believe me when I say this: if there was not a law against taking another person’s life, I would not hesitate to march into her room right now and break her neck. Well, after smashing her head into the wall a few times to incite terror before actually squashing the life out of her.

Through these 22 years of my life, we have never gotten along. She has always prided herself as the smart and intelligent offspring and brushed me aside as just a.. Result of spontaneously materialized matter, if you will. We’ve had crazy intense fights over the years but I have never once given up hope that one day, perhaps, we might put all differences aside and get along.

But what I cannot take lying down is how fucking selfish she can be. She sits on her ass all day, never washing the dishes after she eats, never helping to keep the god-damned place clean, leaving the air-conditioning on for 24 hours and not sparing a thought about electricity consumption. I’ve just cleaned the toilet up after the messed it up, big time. I have no idea what the fuck she did in there – perhaps she took a great dump in the middle of the floor – but it was nasty. It smelled like the public restroom in an army camp. I felt like gagging as I washed away the remnants of her sick actions.

I could continue my raging rant about her idiotic actions and my intense desire to stab her repeatedly with a pair of scissors, but I have decided to calm my nerves by going downstairs to eht kitchen and getting something nice and fattening for supper.

Being stuck at home has rendered me at such a high point of restlessness that it actually drove me to the old drawing board.




I find it extremely difficult to draw sexy modelly legs. I mean, look at these. Are the legs retarded or what?!




Some pieces from the Harry Halim and Poenza Schouler collection that caught my eye. Love the whole monochrome colour palettes combined with blood red lips. So minimalist and simple. ^_^

I can't wait to fully recover and be able to head out again. I've been confined to the house for 2, going 3 weeks already. As much as I enjoy watching soap dramas and shopping online, the lack of human interaction can get a little depressing at times. On the bright side, I'll be getting some visitors next week! All my trusty friends coming to bring some joy and put a break in my monotonous house arrest. Ahhh.