we are infinite.

Photos from a million years ago.

What is the thought process one goes through when making a decision?

Often I lament how over-analytical my mind is. I can never make a decision straight-up and fast because my mind has the compulsive need to go into overdrive and dissect every facet of a situation before making a decision.

And the worst part is – even after these obsessive compulsive evaluations, I often still make bad choices.

Genius, really.

Why are the simplest things in life the hardest to find? And if found, why are they hard to retain? And difficult to hold on to?

Sometimes I really wish I were more simple minded – one of them people who seem to be content at living day to day, satisfied at mediocrity. The less you care, the lower the possibility of getting hurt – this is something I strongly believe in. But I can never seem to stop caring. I can never seem to relax or make impulsive choices. It’s tiring, really. Is this what the rest of my life is written to be like? A lifelong journey of caution and regret?

I’d like to think of myself as stronger, wiser and less vulnerable now. Over the years, I’ve made so many mistakes I’m ashamed to even think about. I’ve told myself, time and again, to learn from my mistakes and to be a better person. But boy, the person who coined the statement "Learn from your mistakes" clearly hasn’t realized how cheap talk is.

I’m afraid. And this time, I wanna do it right. I wanna know what is good for me, and fixate on the goal. I will not be sidetracked down the little beaten path of romance because y’know what? I’m done with faith. No more leaps of faith because there isn’t always going to be someone to catch me when I fall, again and again.