It isn't easy - being confronted with memories I’d rather keep at bay. Running into familiar faces that remind me of different points in my life. It makes me ponder, once again: what did I do wrong? Should I have laid my cards out on the table? If I had been upfront in all situations from the start, would the ending now be one that is vastly different from what I've been forced to deal with?
The word that comes to mind is.. Perhaps.
It is common nature to question oneself - to ask, "could I have done something different? would it have heralded an alternative outcome?"
These are questions that plague my subconscious on a daily basis. I have successfully placed these thoughts at the back of my mind, but that doesn't mean that they don't exist. Constantly questioning if my actions are the cause of an undesirable outcome is not something I want to contend with.
But making mistakes in the arena of human relationships is insignificant in the vast sea of concerns I have in other aspects of my life. I’ve said so before – I’m tired of running. Running towards a destination that I don’t fully know, that I’m not sure I’d ever be able to reach. Are my goals unfeasible? Am I a victim of delusion and baseless daydreams? Or are my goals seemingly unreachable only because they are so far, far away?
There is a quote, ‘he who labours on sabbath’s eve will reap the harvest on Sabbath.’
Will the destination finally come.. Where I can look back at the treacherous journey and, perhaps, laugh with contentment?
Waiting. Still waiting.
No comments:
Post a Comment