Things Not To Do When Drunk

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Things you should NOT do when drunk:

1) Scream at lusty men that you have a boyfriend and that he’s very rich (and that he would sue them for invasion of personal space)

This is especially applicable when you don’t actually have a rich boyfriend and it’s an empty threat.

2) Sing at the top of your voice (out of tune)

People in clubs are not deaf, they can hear you. And they WILL laugh at you.

3)Command people to do things for you (like holding your bag, propping your drunk ass up and picking you up at the god forsaken time of 6 a.m.)

I feel bad for my friends who constantly have to prop up all 42 kilograms of (almost) dead weight. Said dead weight also happens to be incredibly noisy and downright annoying. Also, demanding your friends to stop whatever they’re doing and drive out to pick you up is.. Not very nice.

4) Smash your friends’ toes by sitting / stepping on them

I’M SORRY, MICHELLE. I hope your toes are feeling better.

5) Insist that you’re not drunk and as a result, get force fed more alcohol (people legit believe I’m never drunk cos I don’t LOOK drunk – I never flush while drinking.)

I don’t know what to do about this. Apply more blusher, perhaps?