How are relationships commonly defined?
When I entered into my relationship with Jw, it felt as though I had finally reached the point I’ve been hurtling towards for the longest time. It signalled the end of a long and ardours journey, one that had rendered me broken; a damaged object. It felt like I finally found what I had been searching for: an anchor to keep me grounded, a blanket to keep me safe and warm, a pure and untainted chapter in which I could define my next phase of life.
It was as though I finally understood what all the great love poets have been writing about.
I had never before experienced a love so patient and kind, accepting and unrelenting, committed and faithful.
Sure, we had our problems. But what relationship doesn’t?
Isn’t that what love is all about? Making the decision to go down the journey hand in hand, knowing that there aren’t any demons we cannot battle as long as we decide to work together? Making the choice to embrace the other person despite their faults and inadequacies?
Love isn’t just an emotion. Love will never always be fireworks, adrenaline and intense rushes of feelings. Love perseveres, love persists. Love is the only thing that can survive without any material consumption.
I don’t know how I will ever fully recover, or fully forget you. People say that time heals all wounds, but time merely serves as a numbing mechanism. It never truly completely heals. A part of me doesn’t want to heal or let go – I hate going down without a fight or walking away when I know, in the heart of hearts, that my love will endure.
How can I simply cut the string and walk away when I know how much I still care for you, and you for me in return? How can I convince myself that you’re not worth my blood, sweat and tears when I know that all you really want is the best for me, at the end of the day? How can I close this chapter of my life after I’ve experienced such earth-shaking emotions; this magnitude of affection and tenderness? How can I simply erase you from my heart when I know that the love we have.. Has yet to die?
2 comments:
hey Beatrice,
i'm a friend of a friend who's been quietly reading your blog for some time, and i just had to comment today because i rly feel a lot of sympathy for you and your post-breakup pain.. i know you're rly hurting right now, n you may find it silly of me to say so but perhaps one thing you could try doing is to pray? God loves you n He has a plan for you, no matter how many times you may feel like He's disappointed you or let you simply walk down the wrong path.. so just try to offer up your troubles and your sadness, and pray for closure. you're a strong girl, and i know that with grace, you'll get through this. i'll definitely be keeping you in my prayers as well :) good luck, my dear!
Hey, thanks for taking the time to write this - I do appreciate it. I have been praying and I have a pretty strong faith, though sometimes I do forget or simply put God at the bottom of my priority list.
I have considered that, possibly, God may have allowed this breakup to happen just so I would seek refuge in him in my time of need and pain. There is, after all, a silver lining to every cloud. You've just got to look for it. (:
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