I will use my mind, and not my heart. Always and forever. I will not change. I will not allow myself to change. Not again, not ever.

The M Man's Brownie Liverpool Cake~


Multicoloured Paintstroke Tunic from F21! (that's me on the left.. in case you don't already know. In which case, you should shoot yourself.)


Baby says, 'say whaaaat?'



Two gorgeous bitches.


Colgate advert.









Doesn't this shot of Brendan look like a still out of a movie?


M Man watching me chomp like a glutton.

So. I recently celebrated a birthday.

I wasn’t setting much store for my birthday this year. Couldn’t find a reason to be merry and couldn’t reach deep enough to pull out anything that would make me.. Genuinely happy. Also because M’s and my birthdays fall on the exact same day (I know right, what are the odds? He’s my ex boyf. Lolol.) and it’s his 21st this year, so I was more than happy to take the backseat this time. His party was pretty fabulous – a huge ass Liverpool brownie cake, pool splashing and dunking and cute babies. But I digress. Back to the story.

I was not excited about my birthday by any unit of measure. But I forgot that I’ve got amazing friends – an amazing array of friends who surprised me with not one, not two, but three birthday cakes in total!

On the eve of my birthday itself, I was traipsing home after a long day of school. After removing my makeup and screwing my hair into the world’s messiest and ugliest bun, Charmant appeared at my doorstep with a cake.

I was all, ‘ooh ohmygod thank you i love you’ and ‘this is such a surprise, I’m sorry I look terrible.’

So we proceeded to go to my deck to hang out and play monopoly deal. Next thing I knew?

I was greeted with a chorus of ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOOOU!!!’ and I looked up to see an army comprising of Brendan, Joce, Brenda, Ale, Rebekah, Lucas and Michelle trudging up towards me, holding a chocolatey chocolate cake. Ahhh.

Of course my initial reaction was to cover my face because, as previously mentioned, I LOOKED TRAGIC. I was wearing spectacles and all my makeup had melted off my face already, mind you...

So naturally, exclamations of “I LOOK TRAGIC! OH MY GOD CHARMANT WHY DIDN’T YOU WARN ME THEY WERE COMING!?” and “YOU DON’T LOOK BAD LAH, STOP YOUR NONSENSE!” and “SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR CAKE” ensued.

And I got surprised with another cake the next day in school. A shout out to Oli, JX and PJ – You girls are the sweetest.

I do feel very loved and very appreciated.

In other news, all this talk about cake is making me crave some truffle blackforest from Coffee Bean. Off to the Gardens’ branch later to study through the night. GEEK SPECS ON!

Alexander Wang Inspired Dress: Kisslocke

What does one do.. When the heart desires what the mind knows it cannot have?

As much as a person may make you smile, may make you laugh, may make you revisit the reasons why you once had faith in love, hope and a future.. Nothing is ever definite. Nothing. After all, change is the only constant.

So I question myself.

I yearn for reasons that will give me a substantial reason as to why I should open my mind and heart to a person or situation I know has the power to potential transform me into a quivering mass of heartbreak and desolation. I yearn for reasons to tell me why I should take this step – or this leap, rather – into the unknown. I liken it to taking a leap of faith off the edge of a cliff. You know there’s the very likely possibility of falling onto the rocks below and smashing your skull open. But on the way down – who knows? You might get caught on a hanging branch, or land in a flower bed (alright, that’s a little far-fetched but just let me get on with my story).

The point I’m trying to establish here is that you’d never know the end result of something if you don’t first try it out.

How powerful it would make us, if we had the ability to see into the future, right?

How powerful it would make us, if we had the gift of mind-reading, which would allow us to fully understand the unspoken thoughts of another being?

Life would then be written in black and white, with no more room for guesswork. Would everything be easier, then? Would we be able to take hold of fate by its reins and dictate the rest of our lives?

I don’t wanna see myself as a cynical person. I don’t want to go down that road of apprehension and fearfulness of the unknown.

But how can I do that? Could someone point me in the right direction or show me the way?

I’m afraid not. I’m not being shameless here.. But based on my ability to think things through logically – much more logically than my peers often do – if there was someone who could show me the way, it would be myself.

Yet, the answer to which eludes me.

There is the saying, ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained.’

Perhaps the person who coined that phrase was just a lucky bastard.

Us mere mortals.. Not so lucky now, innit?

So well.. This week was shaping out to be pretty fabulous, till I allowed myself to slip back into my comfort zone and bring the big ol’ wall back up.

Just this morning before I went to bed at 7am (yes, 7 fucking a.m. in the morning. To most of you, it may not seem like a big deal, BUT IT IS TO ME. I fucking HATE sleeping when the sun’s up, and I repeatedly berate myself for doing such. Yet, I still do.. Due to a complete lack of self discipline and brains to think intelligently.) after a silly baking stint. We tried making Crème Brûlée. I’m not sure what transpired but it turned out to be more like Water Brûlée. I’m also using the term ‘we’ loosely, seeing how I didn’t do anything to help.

Anyway, back to the point of my statement (I’ve got to stop going off track). I was scrolling through Twitter while lying in bed, and I saw a particular tweet that really jumped out at me.

It said : You have two choices: Accept what you’ve been given, or go out and get what you want. Nobody likes a whiner.

It really struck me because there is so much truth in that statement. How readily we often simply whinge and complain about how life has short-changed us, all the while sitting on our asses and stuffing our faces with food, booze and nothing fulfilling?

How many of us actually have the discipline to get up off the couch and start doing something?

I’ve tried my hand at both scenarios. Getting up off my ass and starting up my business was the greatest accomplishment of my life till now, perhaps. But I’m also guilty of doing half-baked jobs. I never complete what I finish because I lack the discipline, drive and motivation to.

Which brings me along to another topic.

I’ve been presented with so many opportunities in life. SO FUCKING MANY.

And reminicizing sometimes brings to my attention how I didn’t utilize those opportunities to their fullest potential. No, I didn’t. I’ve never been courageous; I’ve never taken risks. Not big ones, anyway. I’ve always stayed in the safe zone because being susceptible and vulnerable is, perhaps, the most.. Frustrating feeling. Knowing that you do not have complete control of a situation and knowing that success is not set in stone is a daunting prospect, one I have shunned through all these years.

But recently, very recently, I’ve decided to take on a different view of life. I want to be the person who dares to dream big. I want to be the person who has the balls to put herself out there, despite the possibility of failure and rejection. I want to be able to suck it up and move the fuck on even if I’m faced with failure. I want to be so much more; do so much more.

If I died tomorrow, would I have made any kind of impact in this world? Would I, perhaps, have left my footprints in anyone’s life? Perhaps so. But these footprints would just be that – footprints. And that’s not enough for me.

When I die, I wanna go out in a blaze of glory. Like Bonnie & Clyde. Or Mother Theresa, for that matter.

When I die, I wanna leave this physical world with the knowledge that I’ve done my part and fulfilled my purpose.

Another abrupt ending to my monologue. Decided to upload Halloween pictures!
I went as a cat (again) because I’m too poor to buy a new costume. Pitiful, right? Donations are welcomed.

Look! A dog! Adorable, right?

So anyhooo.. I got drunk out of my mind and I have since told myself, NEVER AGAIN. NEVER FUCKING AGAIN. Ugh. Gotta start sticking to my damned resolutions.

Seriously.. Why do I even give a damn?

I'm not the kind of person who needs constant attention. Neither do I need to validate myself by another person's standards. My friends would know that I have never and will never talk about being 'bored' because I believe that our minds are amazing - it's a fucking playground. And I enjoy and relish every moment spent alone where my thoughts are free to wander.

Which is why I hate - I repeat, hate - pointless conversations. Sure, I do enjoy talking about fluff with my best friends because we share the same sense of humour. However, I do not appreciate being used as a time-filling device.

I'm coming to an abrupt end of my post here because I've realized that the things I legitimately desire to say can't be said on such a public platform. I also can't be arsed to put my thoughts into words because these thoughts, in relation to the subject matter, aren't worth the trouble.

I'm sorry. I'm rambling.
Look! A bee!

I know I kinda minced my words so here’s the link to the webstore: tooabsorb.com!

If you like the featured accessories, you can win them by being one of the top two highest spenders in the month of November at Kisslocke! It's not featured on my webstore yet but it'll be released for giveaway with the next collection launch.

I'm keeping the finger chain harness for myself though. Hahaha. Am legitimately in love with it.

P.S: I have no idea why the static image displayed before the video plays is of me mid finger-wave. Majorly unflattering. Even video hosting devices are out to get me. :(









And here’s a bunch of pictures of me camwhoring with the accessories because evidently, I have nothing better to do on a Tuesday night.

I was gonna go into a long monologue about my encounter with a cockaroach in the toilet today and how I rose as the knight in shining armor and saved my mom from its demonic feelers, but I’m currently very distracted by America’s Next Top Model playing on my other computer. I’ll bore you guys with my tales another day.

It is a huge sin - bigger than anything anyone has ever committed against me before. What makes it so tremendously heinous - this crime he committed, you may ask. Because he did what he did despite knowing full well how much it would hurt me. He knew that it would rip apart the last shreds of identity I've been building up thanks to his initial patience and love. He knew that I would fall flat on my face without him as my pillar. He knew how long it would take me to ever stand up again; he knew how much pain it would take for me to recover; he knew what a wretched mess I would be upon the demise of what we had.

Yet he did it. Yet he walked away, without so much as a backward glance.

How cold-blooded does one have to be.. To be fully aware of the pain he might be voluntarily inflicting on another being, yet choose to do it anyway?

How self-centered does one have to be, to simply up and go with no substantial reason after making a trunk full of promises of hopes, dreams and a future?

How could you?

It is the 22nd of October today. I don't love you anymore. Neither do I desire your presence nor want you in my life in any way at all. People may say that I'm moving on or that I've recovered, but I say otherwise.

I may no longer yearn for you, but it will be a long time before I'll be able to come to terms with the cruelty that you inflicted on me. It will be a long time before I'll be able to look someone in the eye and say with full confidence, 'I'm fine, thank you.'