Meet Charmant and her boyfriend, Bread Pit.
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii. This is me trying to smile like a normal human being and look at my ugly vampire tooth right at the top left hand corner. =(
Today I stepped on a snail. With my wedge boot. Followed by an ominous crushing sound. And maniacal shrieking ensued from my mouth. The mess of slimy guts mixed with solid cracked shell is NOT a pretty scene. That was the single most disturbing thing that happened to me today. Oh, that and coming home to realize I had no sanitary napkins left to stem my monthly blood secretion. None. Zilch. Zero.
I locked my toilet door, stripped, showered, dried myself and opened the toilet cupboard only to come to the horrific realization that I had left my brand new pack of sanitary napkins I had just bought in Charmant's bag.
Thank you, deficient memory glands. You have really started to become an inconvenience in my life.
So I stood rooted to the spot for 2 full minutes, considering my options.
Option 1: I could wear an old pair of ugly undies I hate and walk to the store to buy sanitary napkins.
Option 2: I could stuff an exorbitant amount of toilet paper down my pants to act as a pad replacement.
I could immediately see some glaring problems with both options. Option 1 would inadvertently result in a bloodstained pair of panties, and I'm too vain to own any old or ugly underwear I would be willing to sacrifice. Option 2 would eventually become a disgusting mess of scrunched up tissue paper, hourly visits to the loo and a bloodstained bedsheet.
After careful consideration, I decided to go with Option 1. So I put on a pair of undies and prepared to go down to the store, when I saw it.
One, just one last sanitary napkin lying on my sister's desk. OHHHH, how my heart leapt for joy. I dived and grabbed it and smothered it with kisses and I literally felt like this:
As stolen from YOKO'S BLOG. TOO FUCKING CUTE TO RESIST!!!!!!!!!!! She is pure, unadulterated genius, I swear.
I'm sorry I'm rambling.
Maggie noodles..?
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