we are infinite.

Sometime last week, I was brisk walking to Bugis MRT station when I happened to chance across a disabled man in a wheelchair, sitting by a wall. He was obviously asking for donations but he didn’t even have the ability to speak or sit straight, for that matter. I guess he might have been a victim of a serious stroke as his muscles didn’t seem to be functioning. He was flopped over the side of his wheelchair, arms bent out at weird angles, with absolutely no control over his facial muscles and panting heavily. It was a pitiful sight; heartbreaking, to say the least.

I found myself staring at him, mildly transfixed, and stopping to look back at him. I contemplated retracing my steps and perhaps giving him a donation, but I was rushing against time. I turned away and continued walking for another couple of steps, but somehow I turned back for the second time to look at him. It was an inner battle; fighting with my selfish desire to just walk away and save that few precious seconds of time, and my inner conscience telling me to extend a helping hand in the simplest of ways: a donation.

I turned my back on him and continued walking away.

I couldn’t get the image of him out of my mind for a good half hour after. Thoughts of my selfish act came back to haunt me and made me feel shameful. There is no excuse for a selfish act. People may say ‘I was in a rush!’ or ‘I’ll donate some other time to some other disabled soul.’ But that doesn’t change the fact that in that very moment, we made the decision to place our own petty selfish intentions over someone else’s livelihood.

If the selfish act were as simple as not giving up a seat on the bus, or not helping an old woman with her groceries, perhaps the sin would not be as heavy. Why do I say this? Because every cent donated to a man as disabled as the one I saw goes into providing his next meal; goes into paying his rent, bills and his livelihood. I guess a part of me, as much as I would rather deny it, was afraid. Afraid, apprehensive and a slight bit horrified at how pathetic the disabled man was. I was afraid to approach him and I feared going into close proximity. And for that, I am fully disgusted with myself. As I walked away, all I could think about was how myopic I really was to the poor man’s plight. And I would never forgive myself for making the choice to turn a blind eye to a man in need.

I chose to share this story in a bid to send a message across to anyone who happens to read this: Be not afraid; Make the choice to extend a helping hand if it’s within your power. The world will be a better place if we all just tried a little harder. (: